It's kicking in and all this time I've been numbing and dumbing it down. Makes it a bit more livable.

I should stop and I don't know if I can. Fresh start. Finish what you started because right now not being able to live up to personal expectation is the worst sort of self-sabotage. Especially when you've elevated it to a reputation.

It's not that I never should have come. It's that I never should have opened, extended and dragged it on to something that isn't worth it.

***

I'm beginning to notice I'm just stuffing myself with stuff. I crave something and I'll go for it like some impulsive and petulant child. No control. There's something missing and no amount of ice cream, dried mango, candied ginger and Fruit Tips are going to sate it.

Story of my life.

The goal is just feeling comfortable. With what I've done, with the relationships I have, with the things I have. Not to be embarassed or shy away. Something I've lost in a short five years.

Hands off from here on in.

Keith