I don't apologize for not being an A, B, or even C gay. When I say "I'm getting too old for this" I'm actually referring to the time and energy I lack to deal with the disingenuous and disrespectful. When honesty and genuine interest is rewarded with being literally left alone in a crowded party, there's something wrong.

It's possible that they have their roles. I rate below their loudmouth arrogant as the cog spinning aimlessly nearby. And I've come to accept that. While I don't feel better than them, having missed most of the things that they are so actively pursuing, I'm ready to retire from the whole business of selling myself, ready to move on. Most people in my tier that I would have a similiar sociability with have done so, escaping from the prolonged puberty that is the early 20s. Or at least they have moved on to new things.

Beyond pickups, dirty dancing, getting completely drunk for no reason other than to loosen inhibitions. It isn't permanent or worth the hassle, and the social and emotional immaturity worries me.

I'm not sure if I've moved past it or still remain unused to it. There's a whole world of things to do that build character and life experience, things that don't exist to perpetuate the hopeless sheltering of something that should stand on it's own. The culture needs to grow up, before it ends up a giant Peter Pan fantasy. If this waning is the end of gay so be it.

Keith